


give me hope in the darkness that i will see the light

by littleleotas



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Ghosts, Halloween, Hurt/Comfort, but also forehead boops, deeeeep huuuuuurtiiiiiiing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 15:00:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8376577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleleotas/pseuds/littleleotas
Summary: Shepard has some Halloween visitors.





	

**Author's Note:**

> For those that like to know, this Shepard's first name is Calixta. If you prefer not to know that, you didn't see aaaaaanything here.

_”Shepard...”_

The wavering black figures seemed to reach for her in the dim light. Shepard trudged through the trees, trying to run, but she felt like she was wading through molasses.

_”...Shepard...”_

Her name faintly echoed all around her. She assumed the voices came from the smoke-like figures, but everything was hazy, and she wasn't sure she knew anything for certain anymore. Except for her name.

_”Shepard!”_

She woke up gasping. She looked up through the skylight at the stars as she sat up, catching her breath. The heel of her hand pressed against her chest and she closed her eyes and focused on breathing.

“Shepard.”

Her eyes flew open. Ashley Williams sat at the edge of the bed.

“Hey, Skipper.”

Shepard whispered, “Ash.”

“Hope I didn't startle you too much.”

Shepard shook her head.

“We're always here, you know. All of us.”

“I know,” Shepard said hoarsely.

Ash sighed and stood up, walking to the fish tank. “Sarah still emails me every day. I don't think she thinks I read them, but. I do.”

Shepard's gaze followed Ashley's spectre. “Ash, I'm so sorry.”

Ash shook her head. “You had to make a call, Skipper. I don't blame you.”

Shepard's eyes filled with tears and she looked down at her hands in her lap. She felt a chill on her cheek and looked up to see Ashley seated next to her.

“You've done so well, Commander.”

“I let you down, Ash-”

“You never let me down.”

Shepard's breath caught as she breathed in, trying to keep herself from sobbing.

“You can do this. You can do this, Shepard.” Ashley put a hand to Shepard's cheek.

Shepard shivered.

“ _Death closes all: but something ere the end,  
Some work of noble note, may yet be done,  
Not unbecoming men that strove with gods._”

Shepard smiled a little. “Or women.”

Ashley smiled back. “Go save the world, hero lady.”

She faded from view. Shepard sighed and wiped a tear off her cheek.

“...I've studied species turian, asari, and batarian...”

“No,” Shepard choked as she turned in the direction of the singing voice.

“I'm quite good at genetics as a subset of biology because I am an expert which I know is a tautologyyyy...”

The tears came back in full force, and Shepard put a hand over her mouth in an effort to stifle the sobs.

“My xenoscience studies range from urban to agrarian, I am the very model of a scientist salariaaaaaaan!”

Mordin turned to Shepard. “This is the part where you applaud.”

Shepard snorted a small laugh and applauded, smirking.

Mordin bowed exaggeratedly.

Shepard clasped her hands together and dropped them in her lap. “Mordin-”

“I hope you don't blame yourself, Shepard. Wasn't your call. It was mine.” He tilted his head at her. “Had to be me.”

“I know. I _miss_ you.”

Mordin smiled. “Still here, Shepard. Just can't talk, most of the time. Always here, though.”

Shepard sniffed and nodded. “You know Eve wants to name their first kid after you.”

“Mm! Yes. Touched, honoured, really. If someone told me I'd have a krogan baby named after me when I was working on the genophage? Would've sent them in for psych evaluation. Now...” He inhaled and exhaled deeply. “Couldn't be prouder. That's your doing, Shepard.”

Shepard shook her head. “It was you, Mordin.”

“Would never have done it without you. Would never have seen Maelon, would never have seen his experiments...would never have cured genophage.”

Mordin walked to the other side of the bed, closer to Shepard, and stopped in front of her.

“This world wouldn't be what it is without you, Shepard.”

“Mordin, don't go,” Shepard whispered, reaching out to him.

“Always here, Shepard. Always here.” He waved jovially as he began to fade. “Say hi to Urdnot Mordin for me.”

Shepard pulled her knees up, rested her arms on them, and buried her face in her arms.

“Siha.”

She felt a chill against her back and looked up to see Thane seated at her side, an arm around her back.

“Thane,” she said softly, her voice thick with tears.

He touched her cheek as if to wipe her tears away, and she shivered at the cold.

“I'm sorry,” said Thane, putting his hand back down.

“No, Thane, it's okay. I'm sorry.”

“Regret benefits neither of us now.”

Shepard stopped trying to hold back the sobs. She covered her face with her hands. “It isn't _fair_ ,” she choked out. “We should've had more time, I should've been faster, I-”

“Siha.”

She dropped her hands and looked back at Thane. “I can't do this without you, I need you here.”

“Siha, I'm always here.”

“It's not the same,” she snapped.

Thane got up from the bed, stood before Shepard, and knelt down. “Siha. Do you remember what that means?”

She looked at him darkly.

“You are a warrior angel. You are indomitable. You will not fail.”

“Thane, stay,” Shepard said, struggling to keep sobs from overtaking her.

“I am always with you.”

“ _Thane._ ”

She blinked and he was gone. She stopped fighting the tears and fell onto the bed, clutching a pillow and letting the sobs shake her whole body.

The door to the cabin opened and Garrus walked in. He stopped for a moment when he saw her, then rushed over to the bed.

“Shepard, what's wrong? What happened?”

Still sobbing, she turned toward him and buried her face in his chest. He held her tightly to him.

“Nightmares?”

She made an indecipherable noise and Garrus held her close, lowering his head over hers.

“I'm here. It's okay, I'm here,” he said quietly.

He let her cry until she was through. When her breathing evened out, she pushed herself up. He loosened his grip, but his arms didn't leave her.

“When I was a kid,” she said hoarsely, “I used to love Halloween. Before I _knew_ the ghosts that were talking to me.”

“Oh,” said Garrus.

Some of Shepard's hair was stuck to her wet cheeks and Garrus brushed it gently away. Shepard gazed unfocused into middle distance.

“It's just a parade of my mistakes now.”

“Shepard,” Garrus exhaled.

“It's not...” Shepard trailed off.

Garrus turned her face back toward him. “Shepard.”

Her eyes met his.

“No one blames you,” he said, taking her hands.

She sighed. “That's what they all _say_ -”

“So believe them.”

She glanced down.

“Hey,” whispered Garrus.

He put his hand to her cheek and she covered it with her own. He pressed his forehead to hers.

“I love you,” he said.

She smiled. “I love you, too.”

He leaned back and she curled back up against him. He put his arms around her.

“It's gonna be okay.”

Shepard snorted. “What'd we say about platitudes, Garrus?”

“That only counts if it isn't true.”

She sniffed, then nodded, and leaned back into him, closing her eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> I recently made a Mass Effect sideblog on Tumblr so if you'd like to follow me over there, I'm ridethecricket.


End file.
